THE DR. PHILBILLY SHOW – Hush Puppies
by Wayne Carlan
When I was a teenager I spent the night with a
friend and I went out to eat fish with his family. His mom boxed up some leftovers and
brought it home. My friend had a brother about 13 and he ended up falling asleep on the
couch, big mistake.
I went to get some leftover's for a snack and when I saw the hush puppies I got a
brilliant idea. I took 3 hush puppies and walked into the living room by the couch where
he was sleeping. I just stood there for minute looking at him to make sure he was really
sleeping and not faking it. I almost wake him up just laughing about what I am about to
do.
He is curled up in a ball with his face to the back of the couch, perfect. I slowly pulled
back the waist band on his underwear and dropped one, two, three hush puppies down the
hatch. I then gathered everyone around and we woke him up saying "Dang it man, wake
up. You have done crapped all over yourself." He sits up trying to clear his head and
figure out what is going on. He wipes his eyes, stretches out his arms and lets out a
yawn. Then he gets a strange look on his face. He wiggles his butt on the couch and the
confusion is written all over his face. Finally he realizes that there is a strange
presence in his drawers that so shouldn’t be there. When he finally feels those hush
puppies against his naked butt, the look of confusion quickly changed to a look of pure
terror. He got up running to the bathroom gagging the whole way and pulling at the bottom
of his drawers.
About half way to the bathroom he pulls a little too hard and one hit’s the floor. He
starts to panic and begins to dry heave. He finally makes it to the bathroom and
everything gets real quiet. Then I heard a distant voice breaking the silence. "Dang
it Wayne, I’m gonna get you. Mom!" To this day I still can't eat hush puppies
without laughing.
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